The Exhaustion of Hiding Part of Yourself
Hiding part of who you are can take far more energy than other people realise.
For some LGBTQ+ people, being open about sexuality or gender may not always feel safe or possible. You might find yourself deciding who can know, what you can say, which pronouns to use, whether to mention a partner or how much of yourself it feels safe to reveal.
Sometimes this is a conscious decision. Other times, it can become something you do automatically.
The mental load of constantly editing yourself
When you are regularly checking what you say and how you behave, part of your attention is always working in the background.
You may be thinking:
Who knows? What did I tell them? Is it safe to say this? What happens if someone asks me a question?
Over time, that constant monitoring can contribute to feeling tense, emotionally drained or unable to completely relax around other people.
There is no timetable for disclosure
Coming out isn't something you owe anyone.
You don't have to disclose your identity because somebody asks, because other LGBTQ+ people are open about theirs, or because you feel you should be ready.
Privacy and hiding are not necessarily the same thing. You are allowed to decide who knows, when they know and how much you want to share.
Your safety and wellbeing matter.
Finding somewhere you can put the editing down
If it is safe for you, having even one person or environment where you don't have to monitor yourself can make a difference.
It might be a trusted friend, partner, therapist, family member, LGBTQ+ group or an online community where you feel secure.
You don't need dozens of people around you. Sometimes having one relationship where you can exhale and simply be yourself is incredibly valuable.
A message from me
If you are tired from constantly managing what other people know about you, that tiredness deserves to be recognised.
You don't need to make any decisions today.
You don't have to explain yourself.
And you certainly don't have to prove who you are.
I hope you can gradually find people and places where you feel safe enough to put some of that mental load down and experience what it feels like to simply be you.
Until next time, give yourself space to breathe.
With love, Maggie
Space to Breathe Therapy
