The Food I Could Not Simply Eat
A personal reflection on living with ARFID
Food is often spoken about as though it should be easy. You choose something, eat it and continue with your day. However, for somebody living with Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder,ARFID,eating can involve fear, sensory overwhelm, physical discomfort and a nervous system that experiences certain foods as unsafe.
In this honest personal reflection, I share my experience of living with eating difficulties that began when I was around nine years old. At the time, I did not have the words to explain what was happening. I only knew that I could not eat in the same way as the people around me appeared to.
My range of safe foods became extremely small. At different points, white toast and jam sandwiches were among the few foods I could manage. Between the ages of twenty and thirty-seven, there were long periods when I ate very little. This was never about losing weight, changing my body or following a diet. It was about trying to manage food when eating did not feel physically, emotionally or sensorially safe.
This article explores what it is like when eating becomes an act of survival rather than a simple everyday activity. I reflect on the shame that can accompany being watched, questioned or judged, particularly at family meals, celebrations, restaurants and social events.
I also explore how receiving my autism and ADHD diagnoses at the age of fifty helped me understand the wider picture. My sensory processing, need for predictability, difficulty recognising body signals and experiences of overwhelm were not separate from my relationship with food. They were all parts of the same person.
ARFID can present differently for everyone. It may involve sensory sensitivities, a fear of choking or vomiting, a previous allergic reaction, digestive discomfort, very little interest in food or difficulty noticing hunger. Some people experience several of these difficulties together.
This is why we need to look beyond the plate. A list of foods cannot tell us what eating costs someone emotionally or physically. Instead of asking only, “What will you eat?” we also need to ask, “What happens for you when you try?”
Within this reflection, I discuss why pressure, comparison, disguised ingredients and phrases such as “just try it” can make fear worse. I also share what can help: being believed, having choices, knowing that familiar foods will be available and being allowed to move at a pace the nervous system can tolerate.
Progress does not always begin with eating a new food. Looking at it, learning about it, helping to prepare it, tolerating its smell or allowing it to sit nearby can all be meaningful steps. Safe foods are not simply bad habits that need to be removed. They can be important bridges towards nourishment, stability and trust.
This article is for adults living with ARFID, neurodivergent people, parents and carers, professionals, educators and anyone who wants to understand why eating is not always simple.
Above all, it is a reminder that restrictive eating is not stubbornness, attention-seeking or failure. Every person deserves to be listened to, treated with dignity and included in decisions about their care.
Inside this reflection
- My experience of restrictive eating beginning in childhood
- Living with an extremely limited range of safe foods
- The emotional and social effects of ARFID
- The relationship between food, autism, ADHD and sensory processing
- Why pressure can increase fear and restriction
- How safety, trust and choice can support progress
- A compassionate and individual understanding of recovery
Please note: This is a personal lived-experience reflection and an educational resource. It is not a replacement for personalised medical or nutritional advice. If restrictive eating is affecting your health, nutrition or daily life, please contact your GP, a registered dietitian or an appropriate eating-disorder service.
