Aromantic – Love Isn’t Only Romantic

We are often surrounded by the idea that everyone will eventually fall in love, find a romantic partner and build their life around that relationship.

For some people, that simply isn’t how they experience connection.

Aromantic, often shortened to aro, generally describes someone who experiences little or no romantic attraction.Aromanticism exists on a spectrum, which means experiences can vary considerably from person to person.

What does romantic attraction mean?

Romantic attraction is usually described as the desire to form a romantic relationship with a particular person.

For many people this might involve falling in love, wanting to date someone or imagining a romantic future together.

An aromantic person may experience these feelings rarely, differently, only under particular circumstances, or not at all.

That doesn’t mean they are cold, uncaring or unable to form close relationships.

Romantic attraction is only one form of human connection.

Aromantic and asexual aren’t the same thing

Aromanticism relates to romantic attraction, while asexuality relates to sexual attraction.

Someone can therefore be aromantic and still experience sexual attraction. Someone may be both aromantic and asexual, while another aromantic person may describe their sexuality in a completely different way.

Understanding this distinction can be helpful because romantic and sexual attraction are often assumed to automatically occur together.

They don't always.

Relationships can look different

Being aromantic doesn't necessarily mean somebody wants to live alone or doesn't want close relationships.

Aromantic people may have deeply important friendships, family relationships, chosen family, sexual relationships, queerplatonic relationships, partnerships or other forms of connection.

Some may choose to have a romantic relationship even though they experience romantic attraction differently.

Others may have no interest in romantic partnership at all.

There is no single aromantic life.

Challenging the idea that romance must come first

Society can sometimes place romantic relationships above every other type of connection.

We hear phrases such as “just friends” as though friendship is somehow a lesser relationship.

But a friendship can last decades.

Chosen family can provide extraordinary love and support.

Community can create belonging.

Family relationships can be deeply meaningful.

A life doesn't become less complete because romantic love isn't at its centre.

If you're wondering whether you might be aromantic

Perhaps you've wondered why your experience of relationships seems different from that of people around you.

You might have thought:

“Why don't I seem to get crushes like everyone else?”

“Do I actually want a relationship, or do I feel as though I'm supposed to want one?”

“Why are my friendships as important to me as other people's romantic relationships?”

You don't need to immediately know the answer.

Learning about the aromantic spectrum may simply give you another way of exploring your experiences.

You are allowed to use a label if it helps you, change that label later, or use no label at all.

Supporting an aromantic person

Try not to respond by telling someone that they simply haven't met the right person yet.

Avoid assuming that being single must make them lonely.

And don't treat friendships or other important relationships as less significant simply because they aren't romantic.

Instead, allow the person themselves to tell you what connection, intimacy and relationships mean to them.

A message from me

I think we sometimes inherit a very narrow picture of what a happy life is supposed to look like.

Meet somebody. Fall in love. Settle down.

And when somebody's life doesn't follow that pattern, we can mistakenly assume something is missing.

But there are many ways to love and many ways to belong.

Friendship matters. Family matters. Chosen family matters. Community matters. Companionship matters. And the relationship you have with yourself matters too.

If romantic love isn't something you experience, or simply isn't something you want, your life does not need to be measured against somebody else's idea of fulfilment.

A meaningful life isn't defined by whether you have a romantic partner. It's defined by what is meaningful to you.

Until next time, give yourself space to breathe.

With love,
Maggie

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