Finding Your People Can Take Time

Finding people who share your identity can be incredibly meaningful, particularly if you've spent a long time feeling different, misunderstood or as though you've had to hide parts of yourself.

But joining an LGBTQ+ group or meeting other LGBTQ+ people doesn't always create an instant feeling of:

“I've found my people.”

Sometimes it does.

Sometimes it takes much longer.

And sometimes the first community you find simply isn't the right community for you.

A shared identity doesn't mean you'll automatically connect

LGBTQ+ communities are enormously diverse.

People have different personalities, ages, backgrounds, cultures, interests, beliefs, experiences and ways of expressing themselves.

Sharing a sexuality or gender identity can give you something important in common, but it doesn't mean you'll naturally become friends.

You might attend a group and feel completely out of place.

You may join an online community but struggle to connect with the conversations.

You might go to Pride and wonder why everybody else seems to be experiencing a sense of belonging that you can't quite feel.

That can be disappointing, particularly if you had hoped you'd finally found somewhere you wouldn't feel different.

But not connecting with one LGBTQ+ space doesn't mean you don't belong in the LGBTQ+ community.

It may simply mean you haven't found your people yet.

Look beyond identity alone

Sometimes the strongest connections happen when shared identity meets shared interests.

You might feel more comfortable in an LGBTQ+ walking group than a general social group.

Perhaps you'd prefer gaming, crafting, books, sport, volunteering, music or something creative.

You might want to meet other LGBTQ+ parents, older people, neurodivergent people, disabled people or people who share your cultural background.

You are allowed to look for spaces that reflect more than one part of who you are.

One person can be the beginning of community

It's easy to imagine community as a large group of friends.

It doesn't have to be.

Sometimes finding your people begins with finding one person around whom you can relax.

One person you don't have to explain everything to.

One person who understands something you've struggled to put into words.

One person who remembers your partner's name, respects your identity and allows you to be yourself.

That relationship matters.

You don't need a huge social circle before you're allowed to feel connected.

Give yourself permission to leave spaces that don't feel right

Finding community doesn't mean forcing yourself to stay somewhere simply because it's labelled LGBTQ+.

You can try a group and decide it isn't for you.

You can attend an event once and never return.

You can leave an online community that doesn't feel supportive.

You can change groups as your needs change.

Belonging should not require you to constantly reshape yourself to fit in.

Don't mistake a difficult beginning for failure

Walking into a new community can be uncomfortable.

People may already know each other. Conversations may feel established. You might stand at the edge wondering where you're supposed to fit.

Sometimes connection takes repetition.

The first visit may feel awkward.

The second may feel slightly more familiar.

By the fourth or fifth, somebody may know your name.

You don't have to decide immediately whether somewhere is right for you — but equally, you don't have to keep returning somewhere that consistently makes you uncomfortable.

A message from me

If you haven't found your people yet, please don't assume that means there is something wrong with you.

Sometimes we put enormous pressure on ourselves to fit into a community, when what we're really searching for is much simpler:

people we can comfortably be ourselves around.

Those people may be LGBTQ+.

They may share your hobbies.

They may understand your experiences.

They may live nearby or be people you've met online.

And you may find them one at a time rather than all at once.

Keep giving yourself opportunities for connection without forcing yourself to belong somewhere that doesn't feel right.

Finding your people can take time — and belonging doesn't have to happen instantly to eventually become something very real.

Until next time, give yourself space to breathe.

With love,
Maggie

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