Growing Up Without Seeing Yourself
For many LGBTQ+ people, growing up without seeing people like themselves represented can have a much deeper impact than we sometimes realise.
Representation isn't simply about television, books or famous people. It can help a young person understand that there are many different ways to live, love, build relationships and create a fulfilling future.
When those examples aren't there, it can be difficult to imagine where you fit.
When you know you're different, but don't know why
Some people describe growing up with a sense that something about them was different, long before they had the language to explain it.
You might have looked around and seen relationships, families and identities presented in only one particular way.
Without other possibilities being visible, you may have wondered:
“Why don't I feel like everyone else?”
“Where do I fit?”
“Is there anyone else like me?”
For some people, that uncertainty can contribute to hiding parts of themselves, trying hard to fit in or believing that something about them needs to change.
Finding the words later
One of the powerful things about representation is that sometimes seeing somebody else's experience helps us understand our own.
You may read someone's story, meet somebody, watch a programme, discover an online community or hear someone describe their identity and suddenly think:
“That's how I've felt.”
It can give language to feelings that may have been there for years.
And there is no age limit on that discovery.
Understanding yourself at 30, 40, 50, 60 or beyond doesn't make your identity any less real than somebody who understood themselves when they were young.
Representation can create possibility
Seeing LGBTQ+ people simply living ordinary lives matters too.
Working.
Raising families.
Building relationships.
Growing older.
Having careers.
Experiencing joy.
Dealing with everyday problems.
Being loved.
Being themselves.
Representation doesn't always need to be about struggle or coming out. Sometimes what matters most is seeing that a future exists for you too.
A message from me
If you grew up without seeing yourself reflected in the world around you, be gentle with the younger version of yourself who was trying to understand something without having the words or examples to explain it.
You weren't expected to understand something you had never been shown.
And if you're only beginning to understand yourself now, you haven't arrived late.
You're discovering yourself in your own time.
You deserve to see possibilities for your life, your relationships and your future.
And perhaps, simply by living openly as yourself, you may become the representation somebody else once needed too.
Until next time, give yourself space to breathe.
With love, Maggie
Space to Breathe Therapy
