Healing Shame & Internalised Stigma
The Journey of Self-Acceptance – Article 2
Shame can feel like an invisible weight. Unlike guilt, which tells us that we have done something wrong, shame suggests that something is wrong with who we are. When negative messages about LGBTQ+ identities are repeated, they can gradually become part of an inner voice.
In this article, I explore shame and internalised stigma with a compassionate focus. These beliefs are not chosen. They may develop through jokes, rejection, religious or cultural messages, media, bullying or the silence surrounding identities that were never represented positively.
The resource considers how internalised stigma may appear through self-criticism, hiding, difficulty receiving love, fear of being too much or the belief that happiness must be earned. These thoughts can feel personal and true even when they originated outside the individual.
I have written this for people carrying beliefs they would never place on somebody else, and for supporters who want to understand why reassurance may take time to reach the deeper parts of a person’s experience. Shame is learned through repetition, and healing also requires repeated experiences of safety.
The article encourages people to question whose voice they are hearing, name the belief without accepting it as fact and respond with the compassion they would offer someone they love. Identity-affirming relationships and professional support can provide important new evidence.
My hope is that this resource helps separate the person from the shame they have been asked to carry. Healing is not about pretending harmful experiences did not happen. It is about refusing to let those experiences remain the final authority on worth.
There is nothing shameful about being LGBTQ+. The shame belongs with prejudice, rejection and the systems that taught somebody to doubt their humanity. What was learned can be gently unlearned.
By Maggie Learoyd
Psychotherapist | ADHD, Autism & ARFID Specialist
Founder of Space to Breathe Therapy
