Men’s Minds: When Drinking Becomes the Way You Cope
When “Just One to Unwind” Starts Becoming Something You Rely On
For many men, drinking doesn't begin because they have a problem with alcohol.
It might simply be a way to relax after work, socialise with friends, celebrate, sleep or take the edge off after a difficult day.
But sometimes, without really noticing it, alcohol can move from being something you choose to something you feel you need.
The question isn't only how much are you drinking?
Sometimes a more useful question is:
“What am I asking alcohol to do for me?”
What Are You Trying to Switch Off From?
Maybe you're carrying pressure at work.
Money worries.
Relationship difficulties.
Loneliness.
Anxiety.
Low mood.
Family responsibilities.
Thoughts that won't slow down.
Or perhaps you're simply exhausted from constantly being the person who appears to be coping.
Alcohol can temporarily quieten some of that.
But the difficulty is that whatever you're trying to escape is often still waiting when the effects wear off.
And sometimes it returns alongside poor sleep, anxiety, guilt, exhaustion or regret.
Notice When the Pattern Starts Changing
You don't need to wait until drinking has caused a crisis before paying attention to it.
Perhaps you're drinking more frequently than you used to.
One drink regularly becomes several.
You're drinking earlier.
You're thinking about your first drink during the day.
You've tried cutting down but found it difficult.
Or you feel uncomfortable imagining an evening without alcohol.
These aren't reasons to shame yourself.
They're reasons to become curious.
A Tip From Me – Change the Question
Instead of asking:
“Do I have a drinking problem?”
try:
“Is drinking beginning to cause problems for me?”
Is it affecting your sleep?
Your mood?
Your motivation?
Your relationships?
Your finances?
Your work?
How you feel about yourself?
You don't need a label before deciding that you'd like something to change.
Build Something Alongside the Drink
If alcohol has become your main way of relaxing, simply removing it can leave a big gap.
So think about what could begin filling that space.
Movement.
Music.
Cooking.
Getting outside.
A hobby.
A shower and an early night.
Seeing somebody you trust.
Exercise.
Talking.
Even finding something that gives you a clear transition between “work mode” and “home mode” can help.
You're not only changing drinking.
You're learning different ways to regulate, relax and recover.
Talk Before Things Become Unmanageable
You don't have to reach rock bottom to deserve support.
You can talk to somebody because you're concerned.
Because you've noticed a pattern.
Because you'd like to cut down.
Because drinking is affecting your mental health.
Or simply because you're not sure anymore.
A GP, therapist, alcohol support service or somebody you trust can help you explore what's happening without judgement.
And if you drink heavily or regularly and may be physically dependent on alcohol, don't suddenly stop without medical advice, because alcohol withdrawal can sometimes be dangerous.
A Message From Me
If drinking has become the thing that helps you get through difficult days, I don't want you to begin by criticising yourself.
I'd rather you become curious about what you've been trying to cope with.
Because behind the drinking there may be stress, anxiety, loneliness, grief, exhaustion, pressure or emotions you've never really had somewhere safe to put.
Start there.
Talk.
Get support.
Make one small change.
Then another.
You don't have to promise yourself you'll change everything tomorrow.
You simply need to recognise when something that once helped you unwind is beginning to take more from your life than it gives.
There is no shame in needing help. There is strength in deciding that you want something different.
Until next time, give yourself Space to Breathe.
With love, Maggie
Space to Breathe Therapy
