Who Supports the Person Everyone Relies On?
Some people become the person everyone turns to.
The provider. The problem solver. The practical one. The person who sorts things out when something goes wrong.
Being dependable can become such a strong part of your identity that it can feel uncomfortable to admit when you are the one who needs help.
You might protect the people around you by keeping your worries to yourself. You might put everyone else's needs before your own, feel guilty asking for support or tell yourself:
“I should be able to deal with this.”
But being the strong one doesn't mean you don't get tired.
Being dependable doesn't mean you don't become overwhelmed.
And supporting everyone else doesn't mean you should have to carry everything alone.
I think this is something we particularly need to talk about with men. Sometimes asking “Are you okay?” isn't enough, especially when somebody has spent years automatically answering, “I'm fine.”
Perhaps we also need to ask:
“Who's supporting you?”
“What are you carrying at the moment?”
“Is there anything I can take off your plate?”
Accepting support doesn't make you less capable or less dependable.
You can still be the person others rely on and have somewhere safe to put down what you're carrying too.
Sometimes the person who appears to have everything under control is the person we need to remember to check in with.
Maggie
Space to Breathe Therapy
