Limerence (Obsessive Infatuation)

1) What it is

Limerence is intense obsessive infatuation. It involves intrusive thoughts, craving reassurance/attention, and emotional highs and lows based on the other person.

2) Feels like

“I can’t stop thinking about them.”

“If they don’t reply I panic.”

“My mood depends on them.”

3) Signs

• obsessive thoughts and checking
• idealising the person
• strong fear of rejection
• overinterpreting messages
• neglecting life responsibilities

4) Causes

• attachment wounds
• low self-esteem
• loneliness
• dopamine reward loop
• unmet emotional needs

5) Triggers

• uncertain behaviour (mixed signals)
• social media checking
• silence/delayed reply
• seeing them with others

6) Helps now

• stop checking messages/socials for 1 hour
• grounding + breathe
• do a replacement activity
• remind: “my worth isn’t their response”

7) Longer-term

• boundaries + reduce exposure
• therapy for attachment/self-worth
• build your own life routines
• challenge fantasy loops

8) Treatment

• CBT/attachment therapy
• anxiety management support

9) Medication

Not specific, but anxiety/depression may be treated.

10) Tips

• delete triggers
• keep life full outside them
• aim for mutual, stable relationships

11) Urgent

Urgent if:

• stalking/unsafe behaviour
• suicidal thoughts

12) UK help

• NHS urgent help
• Samaritans / Shout
• NHS Talking Therapies

‍