Perfectionism

1) What it is

Unhealthy perfectionism is when your sense of worth feels tied to getting everything “right.” It is often linked to anxiety, low self-esteem, trauma, or OCD-style thinking, and can lead to chronic stress rather than high performance.

2) What it feels like

• “If it’s not perfect, it’s a failure.”
• “Everyone will judge me if I get this wrong.”
• “I can’t start unless I know I’ll do it perfectly.”
• “Nothing I do is ever good enough.”

3) Common signs & symptoms

• fear of failure or judgement
• procrastination because tasks must be perfect
• overthinking and harsh self-criticism
• feeling like nothing meets your standards
• people pleasing and guilt

4) Why it happens (causes & risk factors)

• childhood pressure or very high expectations
• fear of criticism or rejection
• anxiety and need for control
• trauma or unstable environments
• low self-worth

5) Triggers

• deadlines and evaluations
• feedback or criticism
• comparison with others
• high-responsibility tasks
• situations where mistakes feel visible

6) What helps now

• the 80% rule: “done is better than perfect”
• time-box tasks: set a timer and stop when it ends
• replace “must” with “prefer” (e.g. “I prefer to do well”)
• practise small imperfections deliberately

7) Daily self-help support

• break tasks into small, imperfect steps
• notice all-or-nothing thinking and soften it
• limit overchecking and reassurance-seeking
• reward completion, not flawlessness

8) Professional treatment options

• CBT to challenge rigid standards
• Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT)
• Schema Therapy for long-standing patterns

9) Medication

Medication is not used for perfectionism itself, but may help if anxiety, depression, or OCD symptoms are present, under GP guidance.

10) Practical tips

• high standards are different from perfectionism
• mistakes are data, not proof of failure
• self-kindness improves performance long-term
• progress matters more than polish

11) When to seek urgent help

Urgent help if:

• anxiety becomes overwhelming
• perfectionism leads to shutdown or burnout
• obsessive checking or avoidance escalates
• mood drops significantly

12) Where to get help (UK)

• NHS Talking Therapies
• GP referral if linked to anxiety or OCD

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