This month’s blog includes a 4x6 inch printable graphic design with a festive quote from us at Space to Breathe Therapy, our gift to you during the holiday season.
Christmas brings together tradition, expectations, and the unavoidable mix of joy and stress. The big day can amplify how we feel about ourselves, our relationships, and our limits. The core practice that makes the day more sustainable is clear boundaries: deciding in advance what you will engage with, what you’ll pause, and how you’ll look after yourself amid the bustle.
Practical boundary-setting to use on the day:
- Decide your non-negotiables: a maximum time with relatives, specific topics you won’t engage with, or a plan to step outside for a breath of air after certain conversations.
- Name boundaries briefly and calmly: “I’ll be here for the gift opening, then I’ll take a short break.” Short statements reduce miscommunication and prevent escalation.
- Create a boundary toolkit: a designated space to retreat (porch, car, quiet room), a pre-written text you can send if you need a pause, and a friend or family ally who understands your plan.
- Set limits on social energy: schedule brief, intentional conversations instead of long, wide-ranging ones. Use transitions like, “I’ll join you for dessert, then I’m stepping away for a bit.”
- Plan self-care anchors: a moment for yourself after meals, a 5-minute breathing exercise, or a walk between activities to reset.
On the day itself, language matters as much as boundaries. Brief, calm statements help set expectations without fuelling defensiveness. You might say, “I’m going to step outside for a few minutes to reset,” or “I can talk about that topic after we’ve finished dessert.” Prepping a few stock phrases in advance reduces the chance of escalation and keeps conversations from spiralling. Remember to acknowledge the shared intention behind family time I.e wanting connection, while also prioritising your mental and physical energy.
Ways to support yourself and others on the day:
- Check in early and often: a simple “How are you doing right now?” can reset energy and prevent everyone from steering into unsafe topics.
- Normalise pauses: treat breaks as part of the plan, not as failures. Acknowledging “I need a quick break” keeps the mood respectful and practical.
- Team boundary-setting: enlist a trusted family member as a boundary ally who can gently steer conversations away from heated topics or help you signal a timeout.
- Grounding techniques: brief 4-7-8 breathing, grounding with a sensory object (a scarf, a cup of hot tea), or stepping outside for a minute can prevent escalation.
- Use “I” statements: focus on your experience to reduce defensiveness (e.g., “I’m feeling overwhelmed, I’m going to step outside for a few minutes.”).
Managing expectations:
- Reframe “perfect day” thinking: acknowledge that imperfect moments are inevitable and that wellbeing matters more than flawless harmony.
- Define success beyond interaction: measure success by staying present for the parts that matter to you and leaving space for rest when needed.
- Communicate needs in advance if possible: a quick note to the household about timing, activities, or quiet periods can set a collaborative tone.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s okay to shift your role temporarily. Offer to help with a practical task like loading the dishwasher, organising a game or setting the table, as a way to ground yourself and contribute. This not only reduces pressure but fosters a sense of agency. After the gathering, reflect with a trusted person or in a journal: what worked, what didn’t, and what you’ll adjust next year. Small, repeatable adjustments build resilience over time and turn holiday stress into a manageable and even meaningful, part of the season.
During the day, monitor your energy and adjust:
- If you’re losing footing, switch to a quieter activity (help in the kitchen, a short walk, or a conversation with a calm relative).
- If certain topics arise, gently steer to neutral ground or pause with a boundary reminder.
- End-of-day ritual: a reflective moment to note what worked, what didn’t, and what you’ll adjust next year. This builds a practical map for future gatherings.
Beyond the day itself:
- Debrief in a trusted circle after the event: share what helped, what didn’t, and what you’d like to try next time. This reinforces accountability and reduces internalising the stress.
- Consider small, repeatable rituals: a post-holiday walk, a warm bath, or a quiet morning with a mug of tea can help reset emotional energy and reinforce the habit of care.
A final note: boundaries are not about keeping people out; they’re about keeping your well-being inside the circle where you can contribute and connect without eroding your energy. When boundaries are clear and kindly expressed, they often invite more authentic connection, not less.
From our family at Space to Breathe Therapy to yours, we wish you a warm, joy filled and restful holiday season. With Love, Maggie.
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